Your love never fails

Wanna know what sucks? It sucks that I can’t just tell you everything and anything anymore. Today something really quite funny, but also awful and traumatic, happened. Lol. And I couldn’t wait to tell you about it to see how you’d react..but that didn’t happen, and it probably won’t and that really makes me upset. I used to tell you every little thing that happened in my day.. even if it was an uneventful day, I could still go on about something and you’d alwayss listen.. but now I can’t do that. I miss it. You always told me you loved listening to my dumb stories and that’s why you wouldn’t always say as much as I did.. cause, clearly, I talk a lot. Haha. But, now I don’t know if you still feel the same way. All I know is that every time something remotely big happens, or even if it’s just something small that I think is funny, the first thing I always think is “hey I can’t wait to tell him this, haha, he’s gonna laugh” or “I wonder what he’ll say this time” or something of the sort. That’s what goes through my head. Because for the longest time, I would just tell you everything. And you likedd that it was that way. You liked that I felt free to go on about my day or whatever was happening or anything. Well, at least you told me that you liked it. Haha. But now when something happens and I think that, it’s followed by a very upset Kara because I remember that it just doesn’t work that way anymore. Things have changed. I don’t get to feel free to say anything I want anymore. I mean, thank the Lord that we are still friends and I can still talk to you sometimes, but it’s just a completely different vibe. It’s not like it’s a weird or odd thing that it’s a different vibe, cause we have a different kind of relationship now.. It just kinda really sucks.

And it sucks that you get distracted by anyone else who walks up behind you and talks to you when I’m standing right there having a conversation with you. That never happened before. It was just weird when that happened because I used to feel like I had your complete attention when I’d talk to you, but now I don’t. I knew things would change and be different, I just didn’t realize how much of a difference there would be in how I felt. I just feel like I’m just like every one else to you now.. which is where I should be, I guess. But I don’t like how that feels at all. I was always so lucky [and felt so lucky] to be the one you cared so much about..and was so glad to be. And now I’m just not that lucky. I’m not that girl in your eyes anymore.

I’m just going to keep trying to be the best friend that I can be to you, because I really don’t want this year to end awkwardly or at a place where we aren’t talking. Because I want to be your friend for a lifetime. I know God may have other plans for our lives, but if it’s at all possible, I would love so much to be able to stay friends with you..for as long as God allows. Although, I don’t know how much I’d be able to be a close friend if I saw you with another girl.. I probably couldn’t take that. I mean, I really do want you to be happy and to have the best that God has for you, but I don’t think I’d be able to stick around to watch. I’m just praying that everything will start heading in the right direction and that we can both follow God’s Will for us.. because I think if I don’t do that, then I’ll just fall apart. I know that’s not what He wants from me.. He doesn’t want me to just keep holding on to this pain and falling apart. I just need to get to a place where I can be okay again. I’m working on it. I think I’m getting there. Haha, hopefully.